So, I've been up since 3:30 a.m. with a heavy heart. The moment my shoulders started to ache with tension and pent up anxiety I decided I better get out of bed and get moving. Do you ever wonder why bad things happen to good people? That's the age-old question, isn't it?
This morning I have been overwhelmed by the hurts of not only our family but those of others. For example a friend of mine whose precious two month old baby has just been readmitted to the NICU. My mind has been overwhelmed with prayers for their little family. How does this happen? How does such an innocent, helpless being become so sick? And how do my friends continue to trust in the greatness of our God as they watch their little one suffer?
Last night I was enraptured by one of those investigative news shows. The topic was none other than, drug trials. Pete got up and left the room the moment he knew what it was about. However, I kept watching. As it unfolded the reporter revealed how people in the poorest countries are being used for these drug trials. In their desperation they are lured in by the high pay ($150 to $400 per trial) and many times are not fully aware of the risks. They interviewed people in the slums of India who had taken part in the studies and many of them could not even read. The injustice of it all was so overwhelming.
And sometimes I feel the same about our situation. My mind can inevitably go to the darkest places if I allow it to. Yesterday, Pete was on the phone and I heard him say something like, "Everyone here is just talking about quality of life instead of the fact that they're going to cure me." He was referring to the attitude of the physicians here verses the hope we have for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. When I heard that I immediately thought, "Wait, I thought you were convinced you were going to beat this?" And then I realized maybe he wasn't as convinced as I thought he was. For a split second, I looked at Izzy and thought, "What would I do if I had to tell her that her daddy went to be with Jesus? How would we move on?" It would just be so unfair, wouldn't it?????
I would typically end this post with some reassurance, but I'm not sure how to this time. So how would you remind someone of the goodness of God in these situations?
This morning I have been overwhelmed by the hurts of not only our family but those of others. For example a friend of mine whose precious two month old baby has just been readmitted to the NICU. My mind has been overwhelmed with prayers for their little family. How does this happen? How does such an innocent, helpless being become so sick? And how do my friends continue to trust in the greatness of our God as they watch their little one suffer?
Last night I was enraptured by one of those investigative news shows. The topic was none other than, drug trials. Pete got up and left the room the moment he knew what it was about. However, I kept watching. As it unfolded the reporter revealed how people in the poorest countries are being used for these drug trials. In their desperation they are lured in by the high pay ($150 to $400 per trial) and many times are not fully aware of the risks. They interviewed people in the slums of India who had taken part in the studies and many of them could not even read. The injustice of it all was so overwhelming.
And sometimes I feel the same about our situation. My mind can inevitably go to the darkest places if I allow it to. Yesterday, Pete was on the phone and I heard him say something like, "Everyone here is just talking about quality of life instead of the fact that they're going to cure me." He was referring to the attitude of the physicians here verses the hope we have for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. When I heard that I immediately thought, "Wait, I thought you were convinced you were going to beat this?" And then I realized maybe he wasn't as convinced as I thought he was. For a split second, I looked at Izzy and thought, "What would I do if I had to tell her that her daddy went to be with Jesus? How would we move on?" It would just be so unfair, wouldn't it?????
I would typically end this post with some reassurance, but I'm not sure how to this time. So how would you remind someone of the goodness of God in these situations?
Oh Alysha, my heart breaks for you and your family. Don't stop praying for God to intervene, neither will I. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the whirlwind of changes in treatment and unknowingness of the situation is weighing heavily on you my love, it is on me as well. I AM convinced that we will beat this, just not convinced everyone else involved in getting me there is of the same mind set when they talk only about quality of life and prolonging life expectancy. That comment was more about my frustration with only hearing that and not "This is how we're going to beat this, this is how you will get better and live a long happy and cancer free life." That's what i'm seeking now and hope to find it later this week, not letting it get me down and get my hopes up. I have hope, I have confidence, I have faith, we just need to find the right people to help us get there, and we will. I love you honey, thank you for helping me stay strong!
ReplyDelete~Pete
Alysha,
ReplyDeletei hesitate to reply after Pete's beautiful affirmation...however i've been thinking and praying about your post since i read it (my) last night. i wanted to say something about your last question: So how would you remind someone of the goodness of God in these situations?
ultimately, i believe Jesus will come back and renew the Creation that was broken at the fall.....and those are the days that we live for. but, i think that in these moments of pain, grief and struggle the way we remind people of the goodness of God is to reflect Him. it's the time that God's goodness comes out of His Kingdom people to serve the needs of physical, emotional and mental support for the people hurting and suffering in this broken world. there IS a time for verbal reminders...but i think that often, this raw, emotional time is not it.
i'm so sorry you guys are going through this. those words are SO inadequate, i know. praying for you more than you know.... xoxo jennifer