We both had crappy days. Pete was horizontal most of the morning due to pain which left me wondering what causes people to let go. What exactly happens that causes them to say their final goodbyes? Is it that their bodies simply can't function in the late stages of cancer? Is it that their organs have failed? Is it that the pain is too intense that they over-medicate? Or is it that they've simply lost hope?
Needless to say, these deep thoughts into unchartered territory left me on the brink of tears or in tears most of the morning. Finally Pete pushed himself to go meet a friend for dinner and I ran a few errands with the kids. After the change of scenery we were able to come back to each other with renewed minds which allowed us to truly discuss the future of his treatment.
For the past couple of weeks we have been re-evaluating Dr. Pablo's cancer treatment regimen. It seems too many questions have been left unanswered, too many supplement have been prescribed, and that Dr. Pablo is distracted by other events in his life which has left Pete with little direction. As a result, Pete has been experiencing increasing amounts of pain. This is both alarming and infuriating as we were promised results by Dr. Pablo. During a visit to a Naturopathic Doctor yesterday, she stated that, after reviewing Pete's blood work, she expected Pete to be a cripple and wincing in pain. She repeatedly expressed that he must be a very strong person because his blood work was very alarming. At this point his blood levels show that he is in a worse state than he was while on chemo. His body is very acidic, and knowing that cancer cannot live in an alkaline environment, this tells us his cancer is thriving. We were shocked but not surprised to hear Dr. Pablo's plan was not working the way we were promised it would.
During that visit, Dr. Miller explained how she would approach Pete's condition. She feels Pete's body is being overloaded on the current regimen and is not able to process and/or use all the supplements being pumped into his body. In contrast, Dr. Miller would start out slowly by introducing a few nutrients at a time while heating up Pete's core temperature with additional supplements. The heat causes bacteria and cancer cells to die off because it has been proven that cancer cannot live beyond a certain temperature. She also uses a specially formulated intravenous vitamin combination that she believes kills cancer. In addition to all this, she has created a food plan that will feed Pete's body the optimum nutrition in order for it to thrive.
With that being said, you probably think we have chosen to drop Dr. Pablo and pursue treatment with Dr. Miller. Not exactly. The truth of the matter is that Pete's cancer is advanced, very advanced. For a while we have ignored the severity of his condition because our hope has overridden our fear. However, at this point we know the chances are slim that he will live out a normal, happy, healthy life as most of us desire for ourselves. We have decided that the hope must continue because it gives us a reason to press on. And despite the overwhelming evidence that Dr. Pablo's program may not be the right one, Pete still remains hopeful that it may be. So, no matter which treatment we decide to pursue---whether Pete decides to continue with Dr. Pablo or switch to Dr. Miller---we still have hope for the future.
And although, we don't know exactly how and when those last days will overtake him, we do know that we would rather live in a state of being hopeful as opposed to feeling hopeless.
Needless to say, these deep thoughts into unchartered territory left me on the brink of tears or in tears most of the morning. Finally Pete pushed himself to go meet a friend for dinner and I ran a few errands with the kids. After the change of scenery we were able to come back to each other with renewed minds which allowed us to truly discuss the future of his treatment.
For the past couple of weeks we have been re-evaluating Dr. Pablo's cancer treatment regimen. It seems too many questions have been left unanswered, too many supplement have been prescribed, and that Dr. Pablo is distracted by other events in his life which has left Pete with little direction. As a result, Pete has been experiencing increasing amounts of pain. This is both alarming and infuriating as we were promised results by Dr. Pablo. During a visit to a Naturopathic Doctor yesterday, she stated that, after reviewing Pete's blood work, she expected Pete to be a cripple and wincing in pain. She repeatedly expressed that he must be a very strong person because his blood work was very alarming. At this point his blood levels show that he is in a worse state than he was while on chemo. His body is very acidic, and knowing that cancer cannot live in an alkaline environment, this tells us his cancer is thriving. We were shocked but not surprised to hear Dr. Pablo's plan was not working the way we were promised it would.
During that visit, Dr. Miller explained how she would approach Pete's condition. She feels Pete's body is being overloaded on the current regimen and is not able to process and/or use all the supplements being pumped into his body. In contrast, Dr. Miller would start out slowly by introducing a few nutrients at a time while heating up Pete's core temperature with additional supplements. The heat causes bacteria and cancer cells to die off because it has been proven that cancer cannot live beyond a certain temperature. She also uses a specially formulated intravenous vitamin combination that she believes kills cancer. In addition to all this, she has created a food plan that will feed Pete's body the optimum nutrition in order for it to thrive.
With that being said, you probably think we have chosen to drop Dr. Pablo and pursue treatment with Dr. Miller. Not exactly. The truth of the matter is that Pete's cancer is advanced, very advanced. For a while we have ignored the severity of his condition because our hope has overridden our fear. However, at this point we know the chances are slim that he will live out a normal, happy, healthy life as most of us desire for ourselves. We have decided that the hope must continue because it gives us a reason to press on. And despite the overwhelming evidence that Dr. Pablo's program may not be the right one, Pete still remains hopeful that it may be. So, no matter which treatment we decide to pursue---whether Pete decides to continue with Dr. Pablo or switch to Dr. Miller---we still have hope for the future.
And although, we don't know exactly how and when those last days will overtake him, we do know that we would rather live in a state of being hopeful as opposed to feeling hopeless.
Phillipians 3:13-14
Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Such a rollercoaster of doubt, fear, hope, and love you guys ride through each day upon. I hope you know I am riding with you as much as I can, and always entending a loving hand, or a shoulder to cry on, or an always listening ear. Peter you are, and always have been my hero, this is your everest, we know the summit brings change and not necessarily a cure. But you are a fighter and I love you more than ever for that, courage extraordinary! My heart is heavy for your pain and struggles with figuring out the correct path for you. But just know i still hold a rock solid faith in you Peter, I love you so much Big Bro. Warmly,
ReplyDeleteAmy Lynn